Are you currently married or living together, but beginning to seriously consider separation or divorce?
This is my favorite phase of most relationships! Yes, you heard that correctly and I’m sure that to you that sounds absolutely crazy. But bear with me for a second and I’ll explain what I mean. Even though this part (or phase) of the relationship is challenging and frustrating, there’s more going on here. This part of your relationship actually offers you one of your biggest gifts–if you’re ready and willing to step-up.
In the early days of most relationships, people tend to “put up with” a lot of things in order to keep the peace and prevent the relationship from breaking up. And it makes sense that people do that. However, some people become so good at putting up with stuff that they keep doing that for far too long. In fact, many people end up putting up with much more than they really should from their partner, for much too long. Does this sound at all familiar to you? (If it does, you’re not alone… and don’t worry, I’m going to help you change that without ruining your relationship)
If that does sound like you, you may have been feeling frustrated, resentful or even angry for some time. But that doesn’t mean that you knew how to fix it or change that part of your relationship. And we human beings are great a surviving stuff. We often tend to ignore those niggling and annoying thoughts and actions until they become so big that we “have to change them or we’re outta here”! It’s like the “straw that breaks the camel’s back”.
So the truth is that wanting things to change in your relationship is actually a normal part of the growth phase that people in most relationships go through. Yes, you could probably push it down again, under the carpet and “soldier on” like you might have done before. But in reality, if you’re at a point where you’re seriously starting to consider divorce, splitting up, or threatening separation in your marriage, then for the time to do something about changing this part of your relationship is NOW!
You have two choices. If you really, firmly, unequivocally believe that you’ve done everything you possibly can to turn your relationship around, then you can leave, and leave you should!
But, if you know that you’ve been holding back, or that there are things that you can do, which might bring your partner back, then NOW is the time to decide if you’re willing to do these things. I’m not talking about the same old things. Chances are you’ve been doing a relationship “dance”, which has some specific patterns to it. Maybe you get angry, or your spouse gets angry, and then things change for a while, but then, as time goes on, you find yourselves slipping back into those old ways.
Now isn’t a time for “giving it one last go” or “repeating the same old patterns that didn’t work the first 500 times you tried them”. Now is a time for doing something extremely different. I’m talking abou breaking that cycle… once and for all
For many couples, when someone becomes serious about leaving the relationship, it’s the first REAL sign that they’re no longer willing to keep doing that same old dance and repeating that same old pattern. This sign means that you really want things in your relationship to change.
And this is exactly why I this part of the relationship is extremely helpful. Don’t get me wrong… that doesn’t mean that I’m happy that any couple goes through this and experiences that type of pain, hurt and frustration. Of course I’m not! But if you use this time well and you actually do what you really need to do, it can help you influence your partner to step up and work with you.
This is the time to decide on the actions that you’re ready to take. At this point, it’s not too late for you to fix your relationship or your marriage. This moment really is a golden opportunity. But you need to know exactly what you can do and how. And working with a skilled Therapist, or using some great strategies to explore how to make some positive changes in your lives will help both of you to transform your situation.
The problem for most couples is that they just didn’t know WHAT they can try. And that’s where I can help if you’d like me to.
Don’t just walk away from a relationship because it’s not working. Do the things you need to do to see what’s possible. This way, if you do decide to leave, you will know that you’ve done everything in your power and learned everything you can from it.
To be really honest, other than those extreme situations, I believe that most relationships can be salvaged, and that the process of salvaging them actually creates relationships which are much more honest and supportive… But you’ve got to be willing to work on it…
Do you need some help with your relationship?
If you’re located in Brisbane, Australia you can experience face-to-face life-changing counselling with me. Book in to get amazing relationship help today!
Not in Brisbane, Australia? Then book into a Skype or phone counselling session with me. Contact me to organise your session today!