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I think that in some ways relationships are quite similar to businesses.
When you run a business you need to spend time working both in your business, and also working on the business.
What do I mean by that?
- Working in your business: is about doing regular day-to-day things such as ordering stock, working with your clients, or doing the books
- Working on your business: is doing things such as planning, marketing, reviewing your sales figures or results, and keeping up-to-date with your industry and competitors.
Unless you do both of these tasks, your business won’t grow.
And it’s the same in your relationship!
In your relationship, to make sure it grows and works well, you need to:
- work in your relationship: shopping, cooking, chores, and playing taxi for your kids, AND
- work on your relationship: talking about your future together & prioritising things that make each of you feel supported and loved as a team
Most of us are great at working in our relationship, focusing on the day-to-day tasks. We have to do this or it’s really obvious that things are not going to be good. But the truth is that many of us forget to work ON the relationship. And this is just as important and if we don’t do this, it can lead to far more issues between us.
How good are you at working ON your relationship?
- Do you take time out to talk about how each of you feel loved and supported by the other?
- Do you prioritise spending time with your partner that’s not just about dealing with your issues or talking about the kids or your in-laws?
- Do you put energy into creating positive and rewarding experiences together as a couple, that aren’t just about the kids?
I’d love to hear how good you are at working ON your relationship. Leave me a comment below and let me know how well you and your partner do that.
And share as much as you can about it because our community is growing… and your story might just help one of the other members of the community, who is struggling in their relationship today, to realise that they’re not alone in what they’re struggling with. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today…
But here’s the thing: please share your thoughts and ideas in the comments, but links to other posts, websites or videos will be deleted because my robot might think they’re spam.
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1) yes we do.
2)yes , but sometimes life changes the pans. So not enough.
3)Yes , we do. Talking to much about kids seems scary at this point.
I work both in and on.
Yet my partner only does “in” as speaking about growth bothers him.
We can together but at times does plans crumble
Hi Paul,
I work in and on my relationship. However living with an alcoholic is like having a business where the income doesn’t support the expenses, therefore condemned to insolvency.
To be able to talk about a relationship I need him to listen, process his thoughts and be able to reply, and at this moment the only thing he can say is that he is going back to AA meetings and quit all together. He also said he needs to work on himself before works on the relationship and he’s unemployed, which makes me guilty if I get him out of the house right now.
Am I contributing for the delay of his recovery by letting him stay? He’s 50 years old and might not be able to get any job anymore, as he can’t think straight about updating his resumy or get himself psychologically ready for interviews.