If you’ve just suffered a break up and you’ve been feeling alone and sad, this article is for you. Most people have experienced a break up at some time during their life. Often people feel the pain, but eventually the pain diminishes and they find a way to move on with their lives.
In my work, as a Psychotherapist who specializes in working with people around relationship issues, it saddens me that there are so many unnecessary break ups. Naturally there are people who just aren’t meant to be together, and in these cases it makes sense to break up. But I believe that around 90% of all relationship breakups could actually be avoided if the people involved knew what they needed to do to discuss and resolve their differences and reconnect on a new level.
In fact, I would even go as far as to say that the experience and understanding that we gain through the process of breaking up can actually be a crucial step in creating a stronger bond and connecting with each other. But unfortunately, in our current society, we’re not provided with the tools that will help us to get our ex back, overcome our differences, and learn to love each other again.
If you’ve recently been dumped and you’re asking yourself “how do I get my ex back?”… Don’t lose hope quite yet. If you’re ready to do the work that will create an even deeper relationship with your ex than you had before, there are some great strategies and resources that you can use to get back together. Here are some great steps to begin the process:
1. Understand why your ex broke up with you…
Many people who have broken up are more concerned about getting their ex back, which means that they don’t really consider what was actually going wrong in their relationship. Take time out to really think about what went wrong in your relationship. Was it that you’d given up? Had one of you shut down and stopped opening up with the other? Did it feel like you’d just become friends, but not lovers anymore? Spend time getting absolutely clear on how the relationship was and wasn’t working. This is very important because unless you know what wasn’t working, even if you do get back together, you might repeat it.
2. Don’t push to be around your ex…
Think of the break up as something that is happening right now, but which won’t necessarily go on forever. If you can, try to avoid focusing on the negative stuff, even though you’re experiencing pain and loss. At the moment, your only task is to let yourself accept that this is where the relationship is. You could even think of it as a new phase in the same relationship, but with different rules.
Take time out to let yourself just accept where it is. Accept your sorrow and your feelings of being alone, but don’t let them make you angry or be rude to your ex.
3. Don’t act strangely if you run into them…
Often we just want to avoid our ex and, by doing so, punish them for how we’re feeling now. We can even want to punish them, despite the fact that we want them back. If it’s at all possible, avoid this type of behavior! If you run into them, don’t just ignore them or avoid them. Put on a brave face (not cheery or over the top), but a brave and confident face and say “hi”. Smile at them and show them that you’re not going to let your pain and hurt feelings create a war or a wall between you. Don’t be desperate or needy. If you’re genuinely sorry, take time out to apologize in a genuine way, but don’t expect too much back from them – yet! An apology and the process of apologizing is something that needs to be handled in the right way and at the right time, or it can go horribly wrong.
4. Be good to yourself…
Making sure you look after yourself is exceptionally important after a break up. And, as odd as this might sound, being kind to yourself is an important part of rebuilding your relationship with your ex. Don’t go into hibernation mode or hide. Take on a new project (or two) and actually plan to get back into life. Now is a time to focus on your health and your diet. These are important steps if you really want your ex back.
So there you have it… some crucial steps to help you start the process of potentially getting your ex back!