If you've recently had your relationship ripped out from under your feet by your ex, you're probably experiencing a whole bunch of different emotions... Right?
You might be feeling angry or furious because you didn't get an opportunity to have one last try to make it work. Part of you might be feeling hurt and in pain. Of you might be completely confused about how your relationship or your life could have "come to this" point.
There's probably also a part of you that's wishing like mad that they (your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend) would realize that they've made a HUGE mistake. Maybe, every time you hear your phone ring, you're secretly hoping that it's your ex, wanting to tell you that they want you back.
If you're in the situation of having been dumped by your partner, then you're probably feeling sorry for yourself... And SO YOU SHOULD BE! (At least for a while)... Regardless of whether you want your ex back or whether you want to move on, you need to grieve the many losses that the end of a relationship brings.
Step one: accept it!
Now is a time to give your ex and yourself some space. This is the time to let yourself go through that grieving process and be honest with yourself about whether you really want to work towards getting back with your ex... or whether you think the best thing would really be to move on and accept that the relationship is not worth fighting for. This first step is about you letting yourself get to a calmer and clearer place and being really honest with yourself.
But there’s a difference to feeling sad and sorry for yourself and feeling angry. If you’re feeling angry with your ex, while that’s understandable, the anger that you feel, if acted upon, can actually PREVENT you from getting your ex-back. But not only that, it can also make it harder for you to move on and create a new relationship. So right now, even if you want to get back with your ex, the first thing you need to do is to allow yourself time to move past the anger.
I know that you’re probably thinking “no, if I give him (or her) too much time, they might find someone else!”. And while that might be true, right now, they’ve broken up with you, so pushing them to take you back is more likely to push them further away, than bring them closer.
So step one is to give yourself time to grieve the loss and move past the anger...
The next step, step number two, is a little harder...
Step number two is to genuinely take some ownership for the part that you played in the relationship, that might have resulted in it breaking up. While it's easy to think that it was your partner who cause the most issues... or who "has the most problems"... in my experience, that's just not true.
But please don't get me wrong... It's not the other way either. Despite what your ex might be saying, it's highly unlikely that you're entirely to blame for the breakup either. In fact, in this case the saying: "it takes two to tango" is absolutely true.
For almost every couple that I've worked with... and that's a huge number, the truth was that both people played a role in the break-up. Even though it might have appeared as if one of them was "more" to blame... there's often a lot more going on that most of us don't realise, until we get some great help.
The good news is that you CAN do some work on yourself and change your own approach so that your next relationship... whether you re-unite with your ex, or whether you start a completely new relationship with someone else, will be much better and won't fall into the same pitfalls as your recent relationship.
Let me help you get past this...
I'm actually just finishing writing a book at the moment that will show you the real reasons why most couple's relationships actually fail. And believe me, it will surprise you! In my book I will show you EXACTLY what you need to do to change your own approach so that you can create an amazing relationship! And believe me... just like the couples that I work with, it can be very surprising when you realise what really gets in the way for most couples.
If you'd like me to let you know when my book is completed... and if you'd like the chance to get it for free (which I'll be offering to some members of my community), then make sure you sign up for my report of the Seven Myths that can play havoc with relationships. When you sign up to my list and join the PaulMcNiff.com community, not only will I give you a chance get my book for free when it comes out, but I'll also send you some incredibly powerful tips and strategies that will help you with your next relationship.
So sign up by entering your email in the grey bar at the bottom of this page, or on the right hand side where it says: "get my free report". I look forward to helping you to completely change your own approach so you can get past this pain.... and create an amazing relationship going forward. And, just before I finish up here, often, when people start to work with me, not only do they change their approach, but if they're single they start to attract much better potential partners into their lives as a result!