This page is for you if you’re currently married or living together, but you’re beginning to seriously consider separation or divorce…
This is my favorite part of a relationship! Yes, you heard that correctly and I’m sure that to you that sounds absolutely crazy. But bear with me for a second and I’ll explain how this time is actually one of the biggest gifts for you.
In most relationships we “put up with” lots of things that we don’t want in the early days. We do this for a whole bunch of reasons, but most of them have something to do with “keeping the peace” or “making sure our lover doesn’t leave us”. It’s natural for us to do this, but some of us become so good at putting up with stuff that we end up putting up with much more than we should, for much longer than we should… Sound familiar?
You’ve probably been feeling this way for some time, but for whatever reason, we humans tend to ignore the niggling annoying things until they become so big that they “have to change or we’re outta here”! It’s like the “straw that broke the camel’s back”.
The truth is that wanting things to change is a normal part of the growth phase that people in most relationships go through. Yes, you could probably push it down again, under the carpet and “soldier on” like you’ve done before, but in reality if you’re at a point where you’re seriously considering or threatening divorce or separation in your marriage, then the time to do something about the relationship is NOW!
You have two choices. If you really, firmly, unequivocally believe that you’ve done everything you possibly can to turn your relationship around, then you can leave, and leave you should!
But, if you know that you’ve been holding back, or that there are things that you can do, which might bring your partner back, then NOW is the time to decide if you’re willing to do these. I’m not talking about the same old things. Chances are you’ve been doing a relationship “dance”, which has some specific patterns to it. Maybe you get angry, or your spouse gets angry, and then things change for a while – and then you slip back into the old ways…
Now isn’t a time for “giving it one last go” or “repeating the same old patterns that didn’t work the first 500 times”. Now is a time for doing something different. Breaking the cycle…
For many couples, when someone leaves the relationship, it is the first REAL warning sign that they’re serious about wanting change.
Don’t just walk away from a relationship because it’s not working… Do the work it takes to make sure that you’re walking away knowing you’ve done everything in your power and learned everything you can from it.
I believe that most relationships can be salvaged, and that the process of salvaging them actually creates relationships which are much more honest and supportive… But you’ve got to be willing to work on it… Check out the articles and resources below. I’ve used them with my clients and they really can make a big difference to how you re-create your relationship for the better.